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The other day I was sorting through my mail when this gem appeared.

I had to show it to my husband. “Look! You see what they did wrong?”

I love reading great copy, but I probably like tearing apart bad copy even more.

There’s so much to learn from copy examples. Good copy is great for ideas of what to do, but bad copy is a perfect model of what not to do. Plus, I enjoy analysis and improvement. It takes me back to my science roots.

Let’s get started then. copywriting tips

What does this letter get wrong?

For the purpose of this exercise, we’re going to call the writer Samantha. So what did Samantha miss when she sent her letter?

1. She didn’t tell me (as the reader) what I’ll get out of the deal
2. Her letter is too focused on other buyers
3. There is no apparent call to action
4. The letter is too vague
5. Her tone conveys lacking confidence
6. This same letter has obviously been sent to multiple homeowners

What’s in it for me? Copywriting Tips

“There were multiple offers from Buyers who love the neighborhood and now have unmet housing needs.”

I’m a busy mom. I’ve got a business to run, a 2-year old to take care of, and about 1,000 things on my to-do list. I want to be able to make a quick decision about whether or not what Samantha’s saying matters to me.

Your target audience may not look exactly like me, but “what’s in it for me” is the chief question of all audiences. The job of all copy is to answer this very question. copywriting tips

This letter just doesn’t do it for me. There’s an implied benefit (selling my house, making some money), but the reader shouldn’t have to connect the dots for Samantha. That’s her job as the writer.

Why should I care?

“Because of that, I am “house hunting” for those buyers and I’m wondering if you could maybe help us.”

Samantha is asking ‘me’ to help ‘her’ buyers find houses. How does that impact me? copywriting tips

Again, it implies that there might be buyers interested in buying my house, but she doesn’t tell me that. I don’t know those buyers. I don’t even know Samantha. Why I should help Samantha find a house for her buyers?

Samantha doesn’t give me a compelling reason to care. All of her reasons are implied. I ‘might’ get multiple offers from buyers, I ‘might’ get a killer offer to die for, but she doesn’t say any of those things to me. I have to guess that’s what she means.

Your audience is probably smart (you shouldn’t assume otherwise), but that doesn’t mean you should make them work to understand the benefit they’ll get as a result of working with you.

What should I do? Copywriting Tips

Samantha shared her contact information, which is great, but she didn’t tell me exactly what I should do after reading her letter.

Simple is key when it comes to great copy. It might sound excessive, but you should always tell your audience what action you want them to take after reading. copywriting tips

You might want to tell your reader to schedule a consultation or read an article to learn more. Be clear on your goals and ask your reader to take action.

Detail is good, when mindfully used

I’m a numbers person. I love data. Graphs get me excited (don’t judge), and examples are super interesting to me. Success stories intrigue me.

Admittedly, I have a breaking point. Too much detail and I’ll get bored and lose interest.

You have to know just how much detail to use without going overboard. Provide enough detail to keep your audience interested and engaged, but keep it there. Great copy provides just enough detail to get someone eager to buy, but no more.

On one side, Samantha’s letter is simple and to the point (which is great), but she doesn’t give me any captivating details. I need at least a little more.

Confidence is attractive Copywriting tips

“I’m wondering if you could maybe help us.”

Use active, clear, and direct language when writing copy. Don’t use sentences that make you sound nervous, uncertain, or any less of an authority figure than you are. copywriting tips

“People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it and what you do simply proves what you believe.” – Simon Sinek

If you aren’t confident about the value you provide, how can you expect someone to buy into what you’re selling? Be clear on your “why” and speak from your heart about what matters to you (which should also be what matters to your audience).

Samantha’s tone is friendly, yet uncertain. She doesn’t convey confidence or authority in her letter, which doesn’t make me feel confident about getting in touch.

Personalize your message

You probably can’t tell from the image, but look closely enough and you can tell that “hand-written” letter is actually printed. Even if you couldn’t tell that the ink was printed, there is absolutely no personalization on the letter. It doesn’t even include my name.

It’s a marketing trick that a lot of consumers have learned to identify. Don’t be Samantha and assume your audience is stupid and won’t be able to tell. Just don’t.

Now instead of feeling warm and fuzzy about getting a personalized letter, I feel like Samantha has just tried to trick me. Unfortunately for Samantha, I’m wise to this method, so now I just feel lied to.

As a consumer, I no longer feel neutral and uninterested about getting in touch. Nope, Samantha has just offended my intelligence. Not only will I not get in touch, but I’ll be sure to avoid Samantha in the future.

This letter has caused more harm than good. Samantha would have been better off if she had never sent the letter.

Don’t be Samantha. Don’t blast your audience with templated messages. Chances are, your audience will be able to tell, and you also might do more harm than good.

Conclusion

What could Samantha have done better?

She should have started by personalizing her letter. Even just adding my first name would have made her letter significantly better. Oh, and none of that “put print in cursive to make it look personalized” trickery, please.

Samantha should have also told me what to do after reading her letter and told me what benefit I would get as a result of working with her.

What did Samantha get right?

Her letter was short and to the point. She told me exactly why she was reaching out. Her letter wasn’t all bad, but there was definitely a lot of room for improvement.

In general, you should always be clear about your goals and ask yourself what action you want your audience to take. Build a compelling story with sound reasoning, and urge your audience to take immediate action.

I help badass business owners increase their sales with killer strategies and persuasive copy. Want to know more about how I can help your brand grow? Book a free strategy call with me today.

“Fix my copy” is a brand new series of posts where I dive deep into copy mistakes and how to improve them. Have an example that you want me to tear into? Send it my way.